I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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