He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
