if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
