How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
