So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
