You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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