don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
