the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
last night I used snow as a chaser
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
