Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
