are you still at the devil's house?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
