WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
