he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm both gender and math confused
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
