eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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