I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
