Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
