Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
