summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
