Screwed.edu
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
