His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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