I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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