Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
