we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
