just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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