I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
