You're so nebulous sometimes
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
