...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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