hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
