You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
