I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
