I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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