Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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