guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
