last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
