she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
