I wish I only lived at night.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize