Jerry, you need to find god
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Houston, we have a blender
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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