my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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