Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
