That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
