How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
