I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
