We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
