the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
