i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
