my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
