His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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