The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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