he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
