Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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