I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
