Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
