So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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