i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
