Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
