he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
