I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
