Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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