drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
