I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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