Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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