i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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