My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
