girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize