So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
