Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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