all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
