you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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