There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
