: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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