Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
