wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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