on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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