I'm so fucking centered right now
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
