There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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