You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
