I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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