Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize