Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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