I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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