Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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