Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
