So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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