This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
