we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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