just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
