just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize