Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
