There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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