everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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