my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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