What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
