you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
