I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
