I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
only you would photoshop your dick
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
