i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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