He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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