absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
