We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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