At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
