i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize