so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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